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On this Independence Day (it’s technically July 5th, ok), I bring you these amazing editorials from The Reminder. They are of such high caliber, and address issues so vital to today’s complex society, I felt I simply had to relay them to you. Please, enjoy.

Not The Military

There is some disturbing news not in daily newspapers and on TV. More schools have begun to ban games at recess. No contact sports are allowed. You can’t even play tag at some schools. This is ridiculous. We’re teaching our kids to be afraid of physical contact with others as they grow up. No more high fives, or those cute clapping games. Recess will soon be limited to sitting at least three feet from each other and speaking softly, as not to offend someone. Give me a break. Grade school is not military school. It’s supposed to be fun and engaging.

Cry To Reminder (A response to “Illegal Fireworks:”)

Waah! My neighbor is too patriotic! Waah! The bangs and booms keep me from going to sleep at my usual 7:30 after Jeopardy! Waah! My little pets are scared of the noise! Waah, waah, waah! If you are so concerned with your neighbors’ practices on one holiday of the year, why not ask them to just cut it out a little early? No. It’s much better to write to The Reminder as you cry those tears about the greatest holiday ever. We could still be political slaves of Great Britain, you know. Wouldn’t that be much more fun?

Oh you crazy citizens. Please do continue to exercise your freedom of speech, so every week I have more entertainment waiting in my mailbox. It’s late, otherwise I might counter-editorialize.